


Black and White

by Kanekane



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Alternate Universe, Body Horror, Crazy!Shiro, Drabble Collection, Ficlet Collection, Fluff, M/M, Self-cest, Works not edited
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-26
Updated: 2016-01-26
Packaged: 2018-05-16 10:25:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5824933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kanekane/pseuds/Kanekane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A place where I'll upload KaneKane drabbles. Tags will be added when needed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Pieces of me

**Author's Note:**

> As I said on my sideblog, I'm now uploading all my fics in just one account.
> 
> Warnings: Body horror, torture, not edited, Crazy!Shiro.
> 
> Shiro works with Yamori in this.

He couldn’t remember how he ended up there, in that big, almost empty room, sitting in that uncomfortable chair.

His head was hurting, his mind was nothing more than a jumble of incoherently thoughts that didn’t hold a proper meaning.

Where was he? _Why_ was he there?

Kaneki took a deep breath, slowly moving his head side to side, searching for something that could help him localize himself.

His tired eyes noticed the floor. Black and white, like a chessboard. He had never seen a place like this before, but the unnerving feeling that started to crawl through his insides was just growing.

Something was wrong.

For the first time since he woke up, the black haired boy noticed he couldn’t move. His wrists and ankles were tied to the chair by a heavy chain.

Something was _very wrong_.

“You are awake.”

Kaneki looked in the direction that he heard the voice, seeing a man that couldn’t be that much older than himself. He was wearing a black coat and a mask covered almost the entirety of his face. The only things that the half ghoul could really see was one eye and his hair. White, like the floor where his shaking feet were touching.

“Jason was waiting for this… So was I.” He started to approach, in one of his hands was a bucket, big enough to fill at least ten liters **.** With the other, he was pushing a table filled with pliers and other sharp instruments that Kaneki’s mind didn’t want to know for what they were going to be used.

“W-Who are you?” That was the only thing he could mumble, looking to the white haired stranger with a mix of panic and fear.

“You can call me Shiro.” He said while placing the bucket beside Kaneki, near his leg, turning to the table and picking from there a syringe. “You do know that a ghoul’s skin is almost invulnerable… The only place where I could apply this would be in your eye.”

Kaneki looked to Shiro.

He started shaking, his body was weak, but he knew that nothing good would happen. His instincts told him to run, _to do something_ , but even before he could react, Shiro’s hands held his face in place.

“I’m sorry… This will take only a few seconds. After this you won’t be able to move properly.”

And Kaneki was blinded by a hot string of pain, screaming at the top of his lungs, trembling while the substance in the syringe blended with his bloodstream and turned his limbs into useless things.

He couldn’t move, couldn’t fight, couldn’t even protect himself.

The half ghoul took a moment to recompose, his eyesight returning in a matter of seconds. The first thing he saw was Shiro, looking at him with something near adoration, a strange feeling that made Kaneki’s fear increase.

He held his breath when Shiro, gently, touched his fingers, stroking the skin, feeling the bones beneath.

It was an odd moment, where the white haired boy kept caressing his fingers while Kaneki could only watch, waiting to see what would happen next, an urge to pull his hand away appearing, but the restraints made it impossible.

“Jason said he wanted a very special reminder of you, Kaneki…” Shiro said in a low tone, as if in fear to break the apparently magical moment he had inserted himself in. “He wants me to fill this bucket…”

“…W-With what…?”

And Shiro finally looked the half ghoul in the eyes.

“Your fingers.”

Kaneki sobbed. It was involuntary, as well as the tears that now soaked his face. He started to shake his head, mumbling a sequence of “no” and “please, don’t”, begging, pleading, not caring if he was at his lowest and stepping on his own pride.

Shiro held his face again, black nails rubbing his cheeks in a soothing manner.

“Kaneki…” He whispered, trying to get the other’s attention. “Kaneki… This world is wrong…” With one hand, Shiro took something from the table, holding it near his own face.

A plier. Sharp and menacing, reflecting the poor light in the room.

Kaneki screamed, seeing, in utter horror, as Shiro chopped off his fingers, letting them fall inside the bucket with a sickening sound.

“But it isn’t your fault.”


	2. Breakable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He saw him, his past self, walking through the lines of the tragedy that he liked to call life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, the smell of old fics.
> 
> No warnings apply here.
> 
> Btw, I take requests, if anyone is interested.

It started like a tragedy.

After the surgery that implanted a ghoul’s organ in his body, everything around and inside him started to change, to break, to fade and turn into sharp pieces of glass that could (and would) cut his fingers. A reality that, if given the chance, he would throw away and never look back again.

However, as in all tragedies, the only option was to stay and endure, to be strong, to _eat_.

His motivations were noble, right? Protect everyone, _save_ everyone… Even though it was shattering his own body and mind, reducing him to a jumble of confused and frustrated thoughts that corrupted his already fragile sanity.

Yet, as in all tragedies, there were moments of peace and quietness. The calm before the storm.

And he didn’t know why or how, (in fact, a big part of himself didn’t even care about it) but in a cold day of grey clouds and fogginess he saw _him_. Walking through the street, wearing that green coat, holding an umbrella, acting as if nothing wrong in the world existed.

It was like finding a ghost of himself, a big part of the puzzle that he thought lost a long time ago.

Kaneki Ken. With black hair. Without the eye patch. The Kaneki that everyone wanted back, including himself.

It was most likely some kind of trap, something involving Kanou and his crazy plans, just a test to know if there was anything still breakable inside him.

He knew it.

That Kaneki was just a plot twist in the lines of his own personal tragedy, still, he would (needed) embrace it, find comfort and solace in the weakness that once he thought was a flaw, even if that quietness was for just a little lapse of time.

After all, as in all tragedies, his would have an end too.


	3. Just one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That's a request from a nice anon: "can you write a cute cuddle scene after the boys have woken up from nightmares??"
> 
> Not that cute and not edited, but I hope someone enjoy it.

Sleeping was always one of the hardest tasks that Kaneki could have; every time he tried to, _something_ would happen.

Nightmares. Hallucinations. Screaming. Blood. Death. _Jason_.

He usually spent his time brewing and drinking coffee, trying to delay the time that he needed to go to bed to the maximum.

It was always unpleasant, laying on the soft mattress, just waiting until the darkness started to close itself around his body, his mind, until he couldn’t even breathe.

It was just like being tortured all over again.   

Since the day that Kaneki ( _Shiro_ ) came back to the past, seeking for a chance to fix his wrongs, to make the future better (to save his own life), he lived with his other-self.

At the beginning, their relationship was a little troubled, but with time, with the days progressing, they came to their own terms, living together in harmony, a calm, almost unbreakable peace between two persons that were, in essence, just one.

Two bodies, one soul.

To Kaneki, it was easy to see Shiro’s discomfort, how he fought against his own exhaustion.

The reason for him to never sleep when he wasn’t alone, even in lazy Saturday evenings, when the fatigue seemed to triplicate, was connected with the screaming that could be heard from his room at night.

Kaneki knew it, he also was almost sure that he could help with it.

It took a lot of convincing, discussions of “I don’t want to hurt you” and “Don’t worry, you won’t”, but, in the end, they agreed to sleep together.

It was an unspoken arrangement; Shiro, one night, instead of going to his own room, went to Kaneki’s, seeming almost shy, except that the black haired boy welcomed him with a tiny, gentle, smile and a place beside him on the bed.

For weeks, Shiro was blessed with entire nights of almost dreamless sleep and, as the bond between him and his past-self grew stronger, more intimate, they even held each other in an embrace, so close that they seemed like one person.

One body, one soul.

When the craziness started to slip under Shiro’s control, consuming his mind, creeping into the last strings of sanity, it was impossible to keep the nightmares away; he woke one night between a mess of screaming, sweat, kagune and a calm, gentle voice whispering sweet nothings in his ear. 

Kaneki was holding him, running his fingers over his dampened hair, treating him like the most precious person on Earth, saying that nothing could hurt him now, that everything would be alright.

As Kaneki had said, even in a situation like that, where Shiro couldn’t proper control himself, having even turned the bed into sad, mangled pieces of wood and what once was a mattress, he didn’t even scratch his past-self.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…” Shiro murmured against the black haired boy’s skin, his own body calming down, the adrenalin slowly disappearing from his system while the reality started to return.

Kaneki kept comforting the other, embracing him with his arms and legs, giving him a little kiss on the head.

“Shh… It’s fine… _I know._ ”

One body, one mind and one soul.


	4. Hunger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A request I got ages ago "not sure if you're still doing kanekicest head canons but what if shiro helps kuro with the ghoul life, like controlling Kagune and calming him down if he's too hungry."

The hunger. It was so great, so big, so unnatural that he could _feel_ his insides turn, doing a weird, painful dance, claiming for something to eat, something sweet, soft and succulent, something _human._

Human meat, juicy, marvelous-- No! He wasn’t a monster, he wasn’t an assassin! …But he really wanted to sink his teeth in a precious, tender flesh-- No! Not an assassin, he was not a ghoul, he was a-- Just a bite, a little bite, please, please, _please!_

Kaneki screamed, holding his own stomach, pushing his face on the pillow, trying to suffocate those horrible instincts, trying to keep himself at bay.

He couldn’t even believe that he wanted to kill someone else, how could he? How could he be so selfish and worthless and the hunger, oh my G-d, make it go away--

“Shh… It’s okay.” Kaneki felt someone holding him, gentle hands running through his hair, warm body pressed close to him, familiar scent in the air. Shiro.

And he was crying while his fingers started to hold at the white haired man’s clothes, like he was everything in his world, his only hope, the only person who could understand his pain and struggles.

“I-I’m not a monster, I’m not-- Please, I’m not a ghoul, I don’t want to be one!--“

Shiro wanted to say that everything was going to be okay, but he didn’t want to lie to Kaneki, so he just stayed in silence, holding him near.

For now, they would just rest for a bit.


	5. Only yesterday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gender swap. Not edited. I actually used a scene from the movie "Only Yesterday".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That fic actually is almost 1 year old. Wow.

How long had it been since the last visit?

Years.

Four, five whole years without proper contact.

Shiro leaned toward the airplane window, closing her eyes and trying to think what her aunt would say about her; well, the white hair wouldn’t be ignored, that was for sure, nor the deep dark circles under the eyes or the fact that she now only wore black clothes.

_“What happened to you?”_   Her aunt would say with a gentle smile. “ _You were just as girly as your cousin!”_

That made Shiro snort slightly. Oh yeah, in the past, before she had to move to Tokyo, she really was someone as bright as Kaneki, as pure as her.

But things happens, and Shiro, even though not proud of her story, couldn’t and wouldn’t deny it; she thought it was better to be who she was at the present than to be her past self, so naïve and innocent. That old Shiro would be dead by now.

And maybe that was the reason for why the white haired woman decided to buy a ticket and visit the only part of her family that was still alive.

Maybe she wanted to go back to her roots, maybe she wanted to have a break from all the problems and work, maybe she just wanted to know how her aunt and cousin were; it didn’t really matter, not when the airplane was already in the sky.

It felt like she was going back in time.

* * *

When Shiro arrived at the small airport that was, actually, in a city nearby where her relatives lived, it was raining and late at night. That was not what she really wanted, but the flights to that place were so scarce that she didn’t have other options.

She approached the door, looking through the glass and seeing only a few cars at the parking lot. Shiro took her cellphone, considering calling her aunt to ask for a ride but giving up after checking the time; it was really late, she didn’t want to wake up her poor aunt.

She could call a taxi or even rent a car, but in place like that, where everything was closed and all the inhabitants asleep it would be easier to spend the night at the airport.

“Shiro?” And then a shy, sweet voice said, making the white haired woman look behind herself just to find a girl with black, short hair. “You are really here! I’m so glad!” She said with a smile.

“…Kaneki?” It took a couple of seconds to Shiro to recognize the other; of course, Kaneki wasn’t really different from the last time they had seen each other, but she sure had grown. She looked tinnier, more exhausted, but still with that innocence that only children had.

It was really good to see her again, especially her smile.

“Did you come to pick me up?” Shiro asked, receiving a ‘yes’ as answer. “And you are here alone? Isn’t your mother worried?” Well, Shiro herself was, after all, it was dark and late, something bad could happen.

“She didn’t say anything.” Kaneki said with a neutral expression, but Shiro knew she was feeling down; Kaneki was a good girl, always trying to be the perfect daughter, cousin, friend… Yet, her mother never really did pay attention to her; she was always busy with other things. “But, uh, I knew you would be coming today so I checked the flight and, hm, I decided to come here…?”

That made Shiro smile for the first time in a long time.

“Thank you, Kaneki.” She said, knowing how hard it must have been to her cousin to drive alone for two hours and then waiting for G-d knows how much time until she arrived.

 “I-It’s nothing, really, I just wanted to help!” The black-haired woman said, starting to play with the hem of her sweater.

“I know, that’s why I’m thanking you.” Shiro approached, holding her cousin’s hand and starting to walk toward the parking lot. “Let’s go before it gets too late.”

“Okay!” They walked side by side, Kaneki holding an umbrella with the other hand while Shiro was carrying her bag. “Uh, you know… I missed you.” Came the quiet confession when they were standing beside the car.

Shiro felt her heart even warmer.

“I missed you too.”

And it really was like going back in time, when they could enjoy each other company without any other problems or concerns. When Kaneki’s presence alone was enough to make things better.

“…I missed you too…”

Just like old times.


End file.
